Keshav was wondering what he wants from life. He was nineteen when he entered the monastery .It has been seven years now. He has led the most disciplined life in the brotherhood and all his fellow monks respect him. Keshav has got control over the his breaths, he eats once in two days, once he sat for three days in meditation. It is not that this austerity has not paid him off. Nature has opened many secrets before him; he knew how air operates in a human body, how by controlling it one can remain active and healthy.
No one in the monastery has attained so much control which Keshav had, but there was something which kept him disturbed. He could not sleep whole night. Is this life he wanted for himself, though all monks revere him but he knew that the feat he has attained can be achieved by anyone through practice. It is only that other monks are slow that they take so much time. Now Keshav needed something more out of his life, but he didn’t knew what.
He went to the head monk and told” sir, I have made some progress according to the instructions given in the scriptures. I have trained myself on the lines of the sacred books of monastery but I still feel empty, I feel that all this is leading me nowhere, as if I am stuck. On the one hand there is the appreciation which I get from the follow monks and on the other hand is the emptiness and lie which I feel in my achievement. I don’t know what to do.
The head replied “Keshav, the problem with you is not of achievement but of doubt. You doubt the scriptures, you doubt the methods therein, don’t you know that our monastery is 200 years old and we have a heritage of monks which are revered by monasteries all over Asia. Don’t you know that from the same methods our monastery has produced monks which are world admires, and still you doubt the inscriptions and procedures.”
“sir, for seven years I have followed the inscriptions by word , I never had any element of doubt in me but I never felt satisfied. I thought may be I will get the result later. But things are not working for me. May be the methods of the monastery do not fit on me or they need some change. May be that they worked for the great monks you mentioned, but they are not working now. I have not met a single monk in the monastery who has benefited from the procedures. Sir I humbly ask you that have you attained in life what you wanted to. Are you satisfied with yourself?
“Shut up Keshav you are insulting the monastery. Off course I am satisfied with myself and the progress of all the monks. If you have to be here you have to follow the ancient norms and procedures. Now retire into your cell.”
Keshav went to his cell but he could not sleep. How are the head and other monks so satisfied with themselves? Do they not realize the uselessness of their entire endeavourers. How can they rely on the procedures which do not bring about any change? What could be the reason for this all? He contemplated for a long time and came to conclusion that these monks do not have enough courage to deify the old scripture even if they do not get benefitted from it. They have renounced there homes to get something worth in there lives but actually they have not renounced anything, they just changed the objects they were clinging to. Before they were clinging to there family now they are attached to the monastery and the scriptures. He decided to leave the monastery at once.
When keshav stepped out of monastery it was too dark but he felt a new moon of his life taking birth. He had mixed feelings, he has been in the monastery for seven years, all monks respect him, and what he will get on leaving this monastery he did not knew. But he can also not remain static whole his life here. He has to go. Now keshav was realizing why other monks were still attached to the monastery. To step into this world on ones own is tougher than following the scriptures. For the first time keshav was experiencing what it takes to stand on ones own convictions. Till now it was very easy for him to follow the rules of monastery but now on he is responsible for all his steps. This was the beginning of a new learning for him, which he could not have undergone hath he remained in the monastery. This experience filled his heart with a very strange sensation which keshav himself has never felt before. He felt such peace and calmness which he never had in his seven years of sojourn in the monastery.
Though he was alone but he realized that he has begun his journey in the right direction.